I've dubbed March "Motivation Month". With the first quarter of the year almost complete, it's a great time to check in on those new year's resolutions, career goals or other personal challenges you kicked 2011 off with. Soooooooo? What's the progress on your goals?
If you're not as pleased as you'd like, it may help to check your motivation. In my observation, motivation can fall into one of two categories: pleasure seeking or pain avoidance. Many of us can be motivated by both depending on the situation while others have a strong leaning toward one over the other. One approach isn't necessarily better than the others (I'm always a fan of balance) but it can bring clarity to your goals when you know where your preference lies.
The first step to conquering or, more positively stated, leveraging motivation is to step back and reflect on which part of the pleasure/pain motivational divide you fall on. Goal attainment can be a difficult and challenging process that will require you to use all tools at your disposal--motivation being one of the most powerful.
When embarking on a particular goal, the first question to ask is "why" do you want it. I call this "understanding the why". For example, if the goal is "I want a new job", challenge yourself to articulate why this is important to you. I've heard a range of answers to this from "I want to pursue something I'm more passionate about" (pleasure seeking) to "I cannot stand getting up and going to work each day" (pain avoidance). Drilling down to this level of specificity with motivation is critical for staying focused on the end game.
Here's how it works. If you're tempted to not complete the tasks necessary to pursuing your goal--in this case let's use networking--you can circle back to your motivation. For example, is not networking more valuable to you than the pleasure of pursuing a passion or, alternatively, the pain at work each day? If the answer is "yes", not doing the task is more valuable, then you need to go back and ask yourself if you really want your goal. Or, you'll need to decide if there are other tasks that would be equally as effective. Or, if they are not equally effective, you will at least understand that you are making a trade off. Either way, it provides clarity which is another important tool in your goal seeking quest.
Of course, this all requires being aware that you are in what I call a Moment of Choice or MOC. Stay tuned as I've now been inspired to make April "Awareness" Month.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
February Career Follow Up
Last month we did a quick career check in/check up. Hopefully you've had a chance to answer the questions posed. I've cut and pasted them below and re-ordered them around next steps to take/further questions to ask yourself.
Further Reflection: Does this feel like a coaching session yet?
- What is your relationship with your career?
Based on the answer to this question, ask yourself the following two questions:
1.) Is my relationship with my career serving me and my life goals?
2.) What changes would I like to make to my relationship with my career?
- What expectations do you have of your career?
Based on the answer to this question, ask yourself the following three questions:
1.) Are my expectations of my career realistic based on my current life circumstances?
2.) Are they aligned with my life goals?
3.) If not (to both), what adjustments do I need to make?
- On a scale of 1-5, how happy are you with your career?
For those of you who scored a happy high score of 4 or better--congrats! Enjoy this career bliss and take care to maintain it.
For those of you who scored a 3 or below, ask yourself the following question:
1.) What steps would I need to take to improve this score?
The Big Dig: Take your answers from above as well as your answers to the following questions, and see if you can drill them down farther to come up with some specifics. To do so, think of going back to what you learned in kindergarten and answer: who, what, when, where, why & how? For example, who would I need to involve; what specific steps do I need to take; when would I need to start/be done by; where would I start; why is this even important; and how am I going to accomplish all of it?
- What direction would you ultimately like to see your career take?
-What dreams have you given up/are not actively pursuing regarding your career?
If you can start to answer the questions above, you, my friends, will have the makings of a solid career plan to follow for the rest of the year. Now, plans are important to reach your goals. They are, however, limited without proper motivation. You'll want to check in on how motivated you are to implement your new sparkly career plan. Here's a quick exercise:
Want vs. Willing: One a scale of 1-10, rate yourself on the following two questions:
1.) How much do you want this goal?
2.) How willing are you to do the things you'd need to do to be successful at this goal?
If you're like most people, your "want" score is probably pretty high--maybe even as high as 9 or 10. Unfortunately, your willing score is probably somewhat lower--maybe a 4 or 5. Not to worry though, I've dubbed March "Motivation Month" so stay tuned for ways you can boost your willing score. For now, simply continue to reflect on your answers to these questions, your new career plan and the difference between your want and willing score.
Further Reflection: Does this feel like a coaching session yet?
- What is your relationship with your career?
Based on the answer to this question, ask yourself the following two questions:
1.) Is my relationship with my career serving me and my life goals?
2.) What changes would I like to make to my relationship with my career?
- What expectations do you have of your career?
Based on the answer to this question, ask yourself the following three questions:
1.) Are my expectations of my career realistic based on my current life circumstances?
2.) Are they aligned with my life goals?
3.) If not (to both), what adjustments do I need to make?
- On a scale of 1-5, how happy are you with your career?
For those of you who scored a happy high score of 4 or better--congrats! Enjoy this career bliss and take care to maintain it.
For those of you who scored a 3 or below, ask yourself the following question:
1.) What steps would I need to take to improve this score?
The Big Dig: Take your answers from above as well as your answers to the following questions, and see if you can drill them down farther to come up with some specifics. To do so, think of going back to what you learned in kindergarten and answer: who, what, when, where, why & how? For example, who would I need to involve; what specific steps do I need to take; when would I need to start/be done by; where would I start; why is this even important; and how am I going to accomplish all of it?
- What direction would you ultimately like to see your career take?
-What dreams have you given up/are not actively pursuing regarding your career?
If you can start to answer the questions above, you, my friends, will have the makings of a solid career plan to follow for the rest of the year. Now, plans are important to reach your goals. They are, however, limited without proper motivation. You'll want to check in on how motivated you are to implement your new sparkly career plan. Here's a quick exercise:
Want vs. Willing: One a scale of 1-10, rate yourself on the following two questions:
1.) How much do you want this goal?
2.) How willing are you to do the things you'd need to do to be successful at this goal?
If you're like most people, your "want" score is probably pretty high--maybe even as high as 9 or 10. Unfortunately, your willing score is probably somewhat lower--maybe a 4 or 5. Not to worry though, I've dubbed March "Motivation Month" so stay tuned for ways you can boost your willing score. For now, simply continue to reflect on your answers to these questions, your new career plan and the difference between your want and willing score.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
It's January--Do You Know Where Your Career Is?
As I'm fond of telling my clients, we often get so busy doing our jobs day to day that we forget to take time to think about our actual careers. No good can come of this. Potential dangers include: career malaise or flat out dissatisfaction; missing out on key opportunities; watching others enjoy opportunities that could have been ours; or even worse, having someone else (read employer) making a career decision for us.
It's easy to fall victim this career planning disengagement but it's equally easy to mitigate it. We're at the start of a new year--an organic time to stop and take stock. You may have recently had a review or gotten a salary/bonus message. What better time to take 30-60 minutes to do something so beneficial and relevant. Skip the gym one night if you have to (yes, even I'm saying that), forgo your favorite TV show or give up Facebook/Twitter for a night. This is important!! Don't forget, your career is a big piece of your overall healthy and wellness.
Here, I'll even make it easy for you. Ask yourself the following questions:
- What direction would you ultimately like to see your career take?
- What is your relationship with your career?
- On a scale of 1-5, how happy are you with your career?
- What expectations do you have of your career?
Extra Punch Question: What dreams have you given up/are not actively pursuing regarding your career?
Well, that should provide an effective script for some interesting self-dialog. Step One is simply to answer these questions as honestly as possible. Sit with the answers for a bit. Read them over every few days or so.
Next Step = what to do with these answers. Stay tuned.
It's easy to fall victim this career planning disengagement but it's equally easy to mitigate it. We're at the start of a new year--an organic time to stop and take stock. You may have recently had a review or gotten a salary/bonus message. What better time to take 30-60 minutes to do something so beneficial and relevant. Skip the gym one night if you have to (yes, even I'm saying that), forgo your favorite TV show or give up Facebook/Twitter for a night. This is important!! Don't forget, your career is a big piece of your overall healthy and wellness.
Here, I'll even make it easy for you. Ask yourself the following questions:
- What direction would you ultimately like to see your career take?
- What is your relationship with your career?
- On a scale of 1-5, how happy are you with your career?
- What expectations do you have of your career?
Extra Punch Question: What dreams have you given up/are not actively pursuing regarding your career?
Well, that should provide an effective script for some interesting self-dialog. Step One is simply to answer these questions as honestly as possible. Sit with the answers for a bit. Read them over every few days or so.
Next Step = what to do with these answers. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
You Can't Always Have It All, All At The Same Time
In so many ways, 2010 was one of the best years of my life culminating literally at year end by getting married (12/29/2010 to be exact). Also on the huge, life altering yet amazing front for 2010--I'm (we're) expecting a bundle of joy. All things I can check off my larger life "To Do" list.
2010 also brought one of the most taxing work schedules I've had in a number of years, replete a delicate dance of almost weekly travel since September, sandwiched with trying to keep up with a full slate of clients. Add to this first trimester fatigue and nausea and planning a destination wedding in less than two months and you have what I like to call a Time Management Hot Mess (TMHM).
In short, I quickly had to confront the reality that all I had time for out of my blog title was the "work" and "eat" (and "eat" is meant in more of a functional than enjoyable way) part.
Here's what I learned: you can't always have it all, all at the same time.
Turns out Balance is not a perfectionist like I pretend to be. Not even close! Even though it says right at the top of this blog that I try to do all four things at the same time--sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Time is limited and sometimes it feels like we don't have a choice about how we get to spend the time we do have--a rather unpleasant piece of grown up reality.
But here's what else I learned: it's ok if we can't Live, Work, Eat & Play all at the same time, all the time as long as it doesn't go on for too long.
I got through this TMHM knowing two things: 1.) some really wonderful things were going to come out of it and 2.) the patch was limited in time. My first trimester would be over; my project had an end date; and the wedding would come and go. Knowing that there was light at the end of the tunnel and that I would, in fact, get to see that light was a motivator. It allowed me to let go of my need/want to have things balanced and just hunker down and get through the end of each day. I always forget how powerful and liberating letting go can be--even when faced with letting go of something you value so highly.
Happily, I'm now spending time recalibrating the balance scales once again--reacquainting myself with my want/need to have things balanced. I'm trying to appreciate and savor that feeling of having the concept of balance seem like a concrete possibility--even if I now know better than ever that it's likely for a limited duration. Being a kid in the "I can chose what I do with my time" candy store is truly invigorating.
Today I've already done two things I've been saying I want to do for a long time now: going for a swim and blogging. Tomorrow, back to meditation class. Moving on to yoga after that. Riding the glorious wave while I have it.
Happy New Year! Wishing you as many pockets of "having it all, all at the same time" as possible in 2011.
2010 also brought one of the most taxing work schedules I've had in a number of years, replete a delicate dance of almost weekly travel since September, sandwiched with trying to keep up with a full slate of clients. Add to this first trimester fatigue and nausea and planning a destination wedding in less than two months and you have what I like to call a Time Management Hot Mess (TMHM).
In short, I quickly had to confront the reality that all I had time for out of my blog title was the "work" and "eat" (and "eat" is meant in more of a functional than enjoyable way) part.
Here's what I learned: you can't always have it all, all at the same time.
Turns out Balance is not a perfectionist like I pretend to be. Not even close! Even though it says right at the top of this blog that I try to do all four things at the same time--sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Time is limited and sometimes it feels like we don't have a choice about how we get to spend the time we do have--a rather unpleasant piece of grown up reality.
But here's what else I learned: it's ok if we can't Live, Work, Eat & Play all at the same time, all the time as long as it doesn't go on for too long.
I got through this TMHM knowing two things: 1.) some really wonderful things were going to come out of it and 2.) the patch was limited in time. My first trimester would be over; my project had an end date; and the wedding would come and go. Knowing that there was light at the end of the tunnel and that I would, in fact, get to see that light was a motivator. It allowed me to let go of my need/want to have things balanced and just hunker down and get through the end of each day. I always forget how powerful and liberating letting go can be--even when faced with letting go of something you value so highly.
Happily, I'm now spending time recalibrating the balance scales once again--reacquainting myself with my want/need to have things balanced. I'm trying to appreciate and savor that feeling of having the concept of balance seem like a concrete possibility--even if I now know better than ever that it's likely for a limited duration. Being a kid in the "I can chose what I do with my time" candy store is truly invigorating.
Today I've already done two things I've been saying I want to do for a long time now: going for a swim and blogging. Tomorrow, back to meditation class. Moving on to yoga after that. Riding the glorious wave while I have it.
Happy New Year! Wishing you as many pockets of "having it all, all at the same time" as possible in 2011.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
11-20 of the Top 20 Things I Learned on Vacation
Here's the remainder of the things I learned on my August vacation. Hope everyone got to take vacation this year. It is soooooo important to overall life and career happiness. And the holidays are just around the corner.
11.) Thanks to many forwarded emails and Facebook & Twitter updates, moderate drinking can prolong your life according to recent studies. As a health coach, I'm not sure this is the best info to have circulating. As someone who enjoys wine, a cold corona with lime on a hot summer day and the occasional margarita (ok-maybe not so occasional), I say "Rock on!"
12.) It doesn't matter how old I am, I still miss my parents when I'm away.
13.) When you get lazy and forget to put sunblock on (or get cocky when you think you already have a base tan going) and then you fall asleep on the beach, you WILL get sunburnt. Aloe does really help though.
14.) One of the best feelings in the world is falling asleep on the beach in the arms of your special someone-even if you end up getting sunburnt.
15.) The difference between relaxation and boredom is that when you're relaxed you're grateful for and enjoy the fact that you don't have anything to do--when you're bored, you feel the compulsion for and loss of something to do.
16.) Even when things don't go your way or as you planned, there really is always something to learn from or be grateful for. (Although, swallowing your own pill can be somewhat painful.)
17.) Resistance, in it's many prolific forms, is fertile.
18.) Laughter is one of the best abdominal workouts on the market--and, it's free.
19.) Bargain shopping can be fun and is actually an art form.
20.) When you get stung by a bee, honey is one of the best cures (apparently motorcyclists keep honey on their bikes with them at all times). And, bees can swim. Who knew?
11.) Thanks to many forwarded emails and Facebook & Twitter updates, moderate drinking can prolong your life according to recent studies. As a health coach, I'm not sure this is the best info to have circulating. As someone who enjoys wine, a cold corona with lime on a hot summer day and the occasional margarita (ok-maybe not so occasional), I say "Rock on!"
12.) It doesn't matter how old I am, I still miss my parents when I'm away.
13.) When you get lazy and forget to put sunblock on (or get cocky when you think you already have a base tan going) and then you fall asleep on the beach, you WILL get sunburnt. Aloe does really help though.
14.) One of the best feelings in the world is falling asleep on the beach in the arms of your special someone-even if you end up getting sunburnt.
15.) The difference between relaxation and boredom is that when you're relaxed you're grateful for and enjoy the fact that you don't have anything to do--when you're bored, you feel the compulsion for and loss of something to do.
16.) Even when things don't go your way or as you planned, there really is always something to learn from or be grateful for. (Although, swallowing your own pill can be somewhat painful.)
17.) Resistance, in it's many prolific forms, is fertile.
18.) Laughter is one of the best abdominal workouts on the market--and, it's free.
19.) Bargain shopping can be fun and is actually an art form.
20.) When you get stung by a bee, honey is one of the best cures (apparently motorcyclists keep honey on their bikes with them at all times). And, bees can swim. Who knew?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
It's been awhile since my last blog post but sometimes when you live, work, eat, play (especially the "work") part, you can't always find time for blogging. Over the course of two posts, I'm sharing the Top 20 Things I Learned on Vacation. Here's the first ten.
1.) Doing a few minutes of work each day of vacation is better than doing a full day of work each day.
2.) Pizza on the grill is actually quite tasty (albeit a lot of work if you're feeding a bunch of people and need to make multiple pizzas). A true exercise in logistics and coordination.
3.) No matter how many times you tell people how long you will be away for and when you'll be back, they will forget and still ask you multiple times.
4.) If you haven't been running in awhile (or run more than 3 miles the last few times you have been running) and you go out on a 5 mile run, you will be exceedingly sore the next day and get reacquainted with muscles you didn't remember you had.
5.) Reading nutrition books on vacation can help keep you focused on eating healthfully.
6.) It takes more than reading books on nutrition to help keep you focused on eating healthfully while on vacation. You still need some good old fashioned discipline. They should really bottle that stuff in travel sized containers.
7.) It's ok to take a short break from otherwise healthy eating habits as long as it's not a permanent break-which can be the dangers of a two week vacation.
8.) Two and a half year olds are actually smarter than 38year olds-even ones with fancy schmancy psych degrees and certifications in behavioral motivation. And--it doesn't really matter anyway because they're so bleeping cute, they will win either way.
9.) In addition to regular paprika, there is a souped up version of it called smoked paprika that makes a kick ass rub for shrimp and sausage skewers (thanks Epi app).
10.) Even though the Expendables was a highly entertaining movie with amazing fight sequences (albeit slightly unrealistic that none of them sustained major injuries while taking on entire armies with full ammunition), it provides a painful reminder that there is a shocking lack of female "bad ass" roles out there. Is there not even one women in Hollywood who's Expendable worthy? As a woman, a martial artist and an HR professional, I find this a glaring oversight-particularly in 2010.
Stay tuned for the second ten next post. In the meantime, have fun as you live, work, eat, play.
1.) Doing a few minutes of work each day of vacation is better than doing a full day of work each day.
2.) Pizza on the grill is actually quite tasty (albeit a lot of work if you're feeding a bunch of people and need to make multiple pizzas). A true exercise in logistics and coordination.
3.) No matter how many times you tell people how long you will be away for and when you'll be back, they will forget and still ask you multiple times.
4.) If you haven't been running in awhile (or run more than 3 miles the last few times you have been running) and you go out on a 5 mile run, you will be exceedingly sore the next day and get reacquainted with muscles you didn't remember you had.
5.) Reading nutrition books on vacation can help keep you focused on eating healthfully.
6.) It takes more than reading books on nutrition to help keep you focused on eating healthfully while on vacation. You still need some good old fashioned discipline. They should really bottle that stuff in travel sized containers.
7.) It's ok to take a short break from otherwise healthy eating habits as long as it's not a permanent break-which can be the dangers of a two week vacation.
8.) Two and a half year olds are actually smarter than 38year olds-even ones with fancy schmancy psych degrees and certifications in behavioral motivation. And--it doesn't really matter anyway because they're so bleeping cute, they will win either way.
9.) In addition to regular paprika, there is a souped up version of it called smoked paprika that makes a kick ass rub for shrimp and sausage skewers (thanks Epi app).
10.) Even though the Expendables was a highly entertaining movie with amazing fight sequences (albeit slightly unrealistic that none of them sustained major injuries while taking on entire armies with full ammunition), it provides a painful reminder that there is a shocking lack of female "bad ass" roles out there. Is there not even one women in Hollywood who's Expendable worthy? As a woman, a martial artist and an HR professional, I find this a glaring oversight-particularly in 2010.
Stay tuned for the second ten next post. In the meantime, have fun as you live, work, eat, play.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Matisse and other "Out of World" Experiences
A few weeks ago I went to the opening of the new Matisse exhibit at MoMA (thanks again Friedrich!!) and it reminded me of how important it is to have what I call "out of world" experiences. I'm not necessarily talking about "out of this world" experiences--although those are great too. What I'm talking about is when you get the chance to step out of the world you live in every day and get to experience a whole new world or, at least, one that is vastly different than yours. Engaging in a hobby doesn't really count because that is conceivably part of your world.
For me, my daily world is the corporate world with a little bit of karate and other health/fitness things. It's a lot of knowing and using corporate lingo and helping others navigate their own corporate experiences. So, when I step into MoMA and the art world I really do feel like I'm on some alternate level of existence. I certainly enjoy art but it's not something I would put myself in front of often. (Dating an artist has definitely increased the volume of art time I get these days though.)
When I do put myself in the art world or other "worlds" though, the benefits are unbelievable. First, it gives me a fresh way of looking at things. Second, I'm not a subject matter expert so it's a very humbling experience which is always good. It stretches me to think differently--and sometimes in a more playful, humorous, creative way. For example, as I was looking at a painting called Bathers and a Turtle--I was thinking to myself, "Why the hell is there a turtle in this scene (logic) and realizing the answer in the art world is, why not (creativity)?" It was also fascinating to observe the people who live in the art world so to speak. Many of them dress differently than those in my world--somewhat more creatively, sometimes even outlandishly. They use different lingo--almost as if they speak a language that I don't. Do I want to learn that language or just stay in the periphery???
Some other recent "out of world experiences":
- Surfing: I spent some time a few weekends ago mesmerized by the surfers I was watching. Surfing---another art form to be sure. I have a fantasy about being a hard core surfer (but for my intense fear of sharks, I'd give it a try). What would it be like to plan my days around the tide and weather? Something you don't worry about when you go to an office every day. To walk down the beach with a surf board with one of those little safety cords attached to my ankle--looking like I knew exactly what I was doing. Wearing cool surfing clothes.
- 3 children under the age of 7: Last weekend I was with my college roommate, her husband and their 3 children under the age of 7 who I'm totally in love with. That love does have its extreme challenges I realized. There's nothing quite like navigating sibling rivalry dynamics to suck all of the energy out of one's body. Definitely a change from my, "my life is my own and I make sure things go smoothly" routine. Appreciating the perspective of parents who manage this on a daily basis was definitely an eye opening, out of world experience!
- Small town: While with my roommate, I got to appreciate her small New England town replete with a small town square/park where they were having a farmers market. Town consists of one of two main streets & a traffic circle. Hard to compare to the vast beast of NYC. I was fascinated to see how everyone knew each other, names of kids, etc. We literally couldn't go anywhere without bumping into people they knew.
- Financial planning: I'm a liberal arts/psych girl. I don't speak finance. I have a better chance of learning French than I do becoming even remotely competent at personal finance. Yet, I know I must keep pushing forward on this front. I met with my financial advisor last week and my head is still spinning. For sure--this is not my world. I've been trying to self-educate on this front and I'm hoping the accounting/math genes on the Costigan side start to kick in soon. (More on the importance of financial planning and how it links to being able to LiveWorkEatPlay in a separate blog post).
So, while I'm not likely to become an artist, surfer, mother of 3 (although you can all have a good laugh at my expense if this does happen someday), financial wizard or small town dweller, it's been fun and eye opening to temporarily inhabit those spaces. What are you doing to live "out of your world?"
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