To me, meditation is one of the most important tools in the whole LiveWorkEatPlay equation. It's challenging for me though on two fronts. First, it's incredibly daunting to still or quiet my mind. Who am I kidding--I often happily settle for just slowing my mind or even just putting it in "time out". Second, where do you find the time? Yet--it is precisely because my mind is so frantic and I'm constantly in search of more time that I make meditation a priority.
So, I'll let you in on my little secret of how I work it into a "regular" practice. Well, two secrets really. One, I sneak it. Yup--I'll steal even as little as five minutes if that's all I can get because to me, five minutes of something good for you is better than no minutes of something good for you. And two, to coin a Sinatra-ism, I do it "my way."
My grade-school pastor once gave a sermon about being "cafeteria Catholics"--those who pick and chose what they liked from the religion and left the rest. Clearly his message was intended to rebuke this practice and fully commit. To me though, I thought the concept was brilliant and I've applied it to several areas of my life since.
So, I consider myself a "cafeteria meditator". If there were meditation police (which thankfully there are not because it is such a kind and supportive practice), they may be appalled by what I consider to count as "meditation" sometimes. But here's the great thing--I'm pushing 40, I work hard, I'm a good person and my intention for meditating is always positive. So guess what?? I get to define what counts as meditation for me. And so do you!
And for me, the answer is what I call "micro" meditation--mini meditation or mindfulness sessions that work with my life. And just so it's got some structure to it and not totally willy-nilly, I've come up with some guidelines for my micro meditations for them to "count":
- they have to last at least 5 minutes
- they have to incorporate some form of breath work (to reap the benefits of voluntarily calming my nervous system and pumping oxygen throughout my body)
- my intention (even if not successful) has to be to focus on "one thing"
- when my mind strays from my "one thing", I have to keep bringing it back
Pretty basic but these guidelines help me to be creative about when, where and how I sneak meditation into an otherwise time-filled life. So, one Monday a month (Meditation Monday) this blog will share some of the unorthodox ways I come up with to have a somewhat "regular" meditation or mindfulness practice. Don't get me wrong though, when I get an opportunity to sit on my seiza bench, in proper posture for a more formal and extended meditation session, I jump at it.
Today's Micro Meditation Idea:
Central Park is one of my favorite meditation playgrounds. Yesterday I took my daughter for a walk (yay--got me some exercise) and then to the little pond where people operate miniature remote controlled boats. With her on my lap we just sat and watched the boats. To bring focus, I picked one that I mostly followed (number 77--my birthday). There was also a tiny red speed boat that I shifted gaze to a few times--providing a nice slow/fast contrast. I also breathed in for seven counts and out for seven counts while sitting there. That's it!! I got about 15 minutes in before my small thing started to get fidgety. So, all that was required for this micro meditation was: breathing, staring and some fun objects to focus on. Even better, in addition to all of the usual benefits of meditation, I got time outside, cuddles with my daughter and pretty fall scenery!
Monday, October 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
What is Your Main Motivator: Pleasure or Pain?
I've dubbed March "Motivation Month". With the first quarter of the year almost complete, it's a great time to check in on those new year's resolutions, career goals or other personal challenges you kicked 2011 off with. Soooooooo? What's the progress on your goals?
If you're not as pleased as you'd like, it may help to check your motivation. In my observation, motivation can fall into one of two categories: pleasure seeking or pain avoidance. Many of us can be motivated by both depending on the situation while others have a strong leaning toward one over the other. One approach isn't necessarily better than the others (I'm always a fan of balance) but it can bring clarity to your goals when you know where your preference lies.
The first step to conquering or, more positively stated, leveraging motivation is to step back and reflect on which part of the pleasure/pain motivational divide you fall on. Goal attainment can be a difficult and challenging process that will require you to use all tools at your disposal--motivation being one of the most powerful.
When embarking on a particular goal, the first question to ask is "why" do you want it. I call this "understanding the why". For example, if the goal is "I want a new job", challenge yourself to articulate why this is important to you. I've heard a range of answers to this from "I want to pursue something I'm more passionate about" (pleasure seeking) to "I cannot stand getting up and going to work each day" (pain avoidance). Drilling down to this level of specificity with motivation is critical for staying focused on the end game.
Here's how it works. If you're tempted to not complete the tasks necessary to pursuing your goal--in this case let's use networking--you can circle back to your motivation. For example, is not networking more valuable to you than the pleasure of pursuing a passion or, alternatively, the pain at work each day? If the answer is "yes", not doing the task is more valuable, then you need to go back and ask yourself if you really want your goal. Or, you'll need to decide if there are other tasks that would be equally as effective. Or, if they are not equally effective, you will at least understand that you are making a trade off. Either way, it provides clarity which is another important tool in your goal seeking quest.
Of course, this all requires being aware that you are in what I call a Moment of Choice or MOC. Stay tuned as I've now been inspired to make April "Awareness" Month.
If you're not as pleased as you'd like, it may help to check your motivation. In my observation, motivation can fall into one of two categories: pleasure seeking or pain avoidance. Many of us can be motivated by both depending on the situation while others have a strong leaning toward one over the other. One approach isn't necessarily better than the others (I'm always a fan of balance) but it can bring clarity to your goals when you know where your preference lies.
The first step to conquering or, more positively stated, leveraging motivation is to step back and reflect on which part of the pleasure/pain motivational divide you fall on. Goal attainment can be a difficult and challenging process that will require you to use all tools at your disposal--motivation being one of the most powerful.
When embarking on a particular goal, the first question to ask is "why" do you want it. I call this "understanding the why". For example, if the goal is "I want a new job", challenge yourself to articulate why this is important to you. I've heard a range of answers to this from "I want to pursue something I'm more passionate about" (pleasure seeking) to "I cannot stand getting up and going to work each day" (pain avoidance). Drilling down to this level of specificity with motivation is critical for staying focused on the end game.
Here's how it works. If you're tempted to not complete the tasks necessary to pursuing your goal--in this case let's use networking--you can circle back to your motivation. For example, is not networking more valuable to you than the pleasure of pursuing a passion or, alternatively, the pain at work each day? If the answer is "yes", not doing the task is more valuable, then you need to go back and ask yourself if you really want your goal. Or, you'll need to decide if there are other tasks that would be equally as effective. Or, if they are not equally effective, you will at least understand that you are making a trade off. Either way, it provides clarity which is another important tool in your goal seeking quest.
Of course, this all requires being aware that you are in what I call a Moment of Choice or MOC. Stay tuned as I've now been inspired to make April "Awareness" Month.
Monday, February 21, 2011
February Career Follow Up
Last month we did a quick career check in/check up. Hopefully you've had a chance to answer the questions posed. I've cut and pasted them below and re-ordered them around next steps to take/further questions to ask yourself.
Further Reflection: Does this feel like a coaching session yet?
- What is your relationship with your career?
Based on the answer to this question, ask yourself the following two questions:
1.) Is my relationship with my career serving me and my life goals?
2.) What changes would I like to make to my relationship with my career?
- What expectations do you have of your career?
Based on the answer to this question, ask yourself the following three questions:
1.) Are my expectations of my career realistic based on my current life circumstances?
2.) Are they aligned with my life goals?
3.) If not (to both), what adjustments do I need to make?
- On a scale of 1-5, how happy are you with your career?
For those of you who scored a happy high score of 4 or better--congrats! Enjoy this career bliss and take care to maintain it.
For those of you who scored a 3 or below, ask yourself the following question:
1.) What steps would I need to take to improve this score?
The Big Dig: Take your answers from above as well as your answers to the following questions, and see if you can drill them down farther to come up with some specifics. To do so, think of going back to what you learned in kindergarten and answer: who, what, when, where, why & how? For example, who would I need to involve; what specific steps do I need to take; when would I need to start/be done by; where would I start; why is this even important; and how am I going to accomplish all of it?
- What direction would you ultimately like to see your career take?
-What dreams have you given up/are not actively pursuing regarding your career?
If you can start to answer the questions above, you, my friends, will have the makings of a solid career plan to follow for the rest of the year. Now, plans are important to reach your goals. They are, however, limited without proper motivation. You'll want to check in on how motivated you are to implement your new sparkly career plan. Here's a quick exercise:
Want vs. Willing: One a scale of 1-10, rate yourself on the following two questions:
1.) How much do you want this goal?
2.) How willing are you to do the things you'd need to do to be successful at this goal?
If you're like most people, your "want" score is probably pretty high--maybe even as high as 9 or 10. Unfortunately, your willing score is probably somewhat lower--maybe a 4 or 5. Not to worry though, I've dubbed March "Motivation Month" so stay tuned for ways you can boost your willing score. For now, simply continue to reflect on your answers to these questions, your new career plan and the difference between your want and willing score.
Further Reflection: Does this feel like a coaching session yet?
- What is your relationship with your career?
Based on the answer to this question, ask yourself the following two questions:
1.) Is my relationship with my career serving me and my life goals?
2.) What changes would I like to make to my relationship with my career?
- What expectations do you have of your career?
Based on the answer to this question, ask yourself the following three questions:
1.) Are my expectations of my career realistic based on my current life circumstances?
2.) Are they aligned with my life goals?
3.) If not (to both), what adjustments do I need to make?
- On a scale of 1-5, how happy are you with your career?
For those of you who scored a happy high score of 4 or better--congrats! Enjoy this career bliss and take care to maintain it.
For those of you who scored a 3 or below, ask yourself the following question:
1.) What steps would I need to take to improve this score?
The Big Dig: Take your answers from above as well as your answers to the following questions, and see if you can drill them down farther to come up with some specifics. To do so, think of going back to what you learned in kindergarten and answer: who, what, when, where, why & how? For example, who would I need to involve; what specific steps do I need to take; when would I need to start/be done by; where would I start; why is this even important; and how am I going to accomplish all of it?
- What direction would you ultimately like to see your career take?
-What dreams have you given up/are not actively pursuing regarding your career?
If you can start to answer the questions above, you, my friends, will have the makings of a solid career plan to follow for the rest of the year. Now, plans are important to reach your goals. They are, however, limited without proper motivation. You'll want to check in on how motivated you are to implement your new sparkly career plan. Here's a quick exercise:
Want vs. Willing: One a scale of 1-10, rate yourself on the following two questions:
1.) How much do you want this goal?
2.) How willing are you to do the things you'd need to do to be successful at this goal?
If you're like most people, your "want" score is probably pretty high--maybe even as high as 9 or 10. Unfortunately, your willing score is probably somewhat lower--maybe a 4 or 5. Not to worry though, I've dubbed March "Motivation Month" so stay tuned for ways you can boost your willing score. For now, simply continue to reflect on your answers to these questions, your new career plan and the difference between your want and willing score.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
It's January--Do You Know Where Your Career Is?
As I'm fond of telling my clients, we often get so busy doing our jobs day to day that we forget to take time to think about our actual careers. No good can come of this. Potential dangers include: career malaise or flat out dissatisfaction; missing out on key opportunities; watching others enjoy opportunities that could have been ours; or even worse, having someone else (read employer) making a career decision for us.
It's easy to fall victim this career planning disengagement but it's equally easy to mitigate it. We're at the start of a new year--an organic time to stop and take stock. You may have recently had a review or gotten a salary/bonus message. What better time to take 30-60 minutes to do something so beneficial and relevant. Skip the gym one night if you have to (yes, even I'm saying that), forgo your favorite TV show or give up Facebook/Twitter for a night. This is important!! Don't forget, your career is a big piece of your overall healthy and wellness.
Here, I'll even make it easy for you. Ask yourself the following questions:
- What direction would you ultimately like to see your career take?
- What is your relationship with your career?
- On a scale of 1-5, how happy are you with your career?
- What expectations do you have of your career?
Extra Punch Question: What dreams have you given up/are not actively pursuing regarding your career?
Well, that should provide an effective script for some interesting self-dialog. Step One is simply to answer these questions as honestly as possible. Sit with the answers for a bit. Read them over every few days or so.
Next Step = what to do with these answers. Stay tuned.
It's easy to fall victim this career planning disengagement but it's equally easy to mitigate it. We're at the start of a new year--an organic time to stop and take stock. You may have recently had a review or gotten a salary/bonus message. What better time to take 30-60 minutes to do something so beneficial and relevant. Skip the gym one night if you have to (yes, even I'm saying that), forgo your favorite TV show or give up Facebook/Twitter for a night. This is important!! Don't forget, your career is a big piece of your overall healthy and wellness.
Here, I'll even make it easy for you. Ask yourself the following questions:
- What direction would you ultimately like to see your career take?
- What is your relationship with your career?
- On a scale of 1-5, how happy are you with your career?
- What expectations do you have of your career?
Extra Punch Question: What dreams have you given up/are not actively pursuing regarding your career?
Well, that should provide an effective script for some interesting self-dialog. Step One is simply to answer these questions as honestly as possible. Sit with the answers for a bit. Read them over every few days or so.
Next Step = what to do with these answers. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
You Can't Always Have It All, All At The Same Time
In so many ways, 2010 was one of the best years of my life culminating literally at year end by getting married (12/29/2010 to be exact). Also on the huge, life altering yet amazing front for 2010--I'm (we're) expecting a bundle of joy. All things I can check off my larger life "To Do" list.
2010 also brought one of the most taxing work schedules I've had in a number of years, replete a delicate dance of almost weekly travel since September, sandwiched with trying to keep up with a full slate of clients. Add to this first trimester fatigue and nausea and planning a destination wedding in less than two months and you have what I like to call a Time Management Hot Mess (TMHM).
In short, I quickly had to confront the reality that all I had time for out of my blog title was the "work" and "eat" (and "eat" is meant in more of a functional than enjoyable way) part.
Here's what I learned: you can't always have it all, all at the same time.
Turns out Balance is not a perfectionist like I pretend to be. Not even close! Even though it says right at the top of this blog that I try to do all four things at the same time--sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Time is limited and sometimes it feels like we don't have a choice about how we get to spend the time we do have--a rather unpleasant piece of grown up reality.
But here's what else I learned: it's ok if we can't Live, Work, Eat & Play all at the same time, all the time as long as it doesn't go on for too long.
I got through this TMHM knowing two things: 1.) some really wonderful things were going to come out of it and 2.) the patch was limited in time. My first trimester would be over; my project had an end date; and the wedding would come and go. Knowing that there was light at the end of the tunnel and that I would, in fact, get to see that light was a motivator. It allowed me to let go of my need/want to have things balanced and just hunker down and get through the end of each day. I always forget how powerful and liberating letting go can be--even when faced with letting go of something you value so highly.
Happily, I'm now spending time recalibrating the balance scales once again--reacquainting myself with my want/need to have things balanced. I'm trying to appreciate and savor that feeling of having the concept of balance seem like a concrete possibility--even if I now know better than ever that it's likely for a limited duration. Being a kid in the "I can chose what I do with my time" candy store is truly invigorating.
Today I've already done two things I've been saying I want to do for a long time now: going for a swim and blogging. Tomorrow, back to meditation class. Moving on to yoga after that. Riding the glorious wave while I have it.
Happy New Year! Wishing you as many pockets of "having it all, all at the same time" as possible in 2011.
2010 also brought one of the most taxing work schedules I've had in a number of years, replete a delicate dance of almost weekly travel since September, sandwiched with trying to keep up with a full slate of clients. Add to this first trimester fatigue and nausea and planning a destination wedding in less than two months and you have what I like to call a Time Management Hot Mess (TMHM).
In short, I quickly had to confront the reality that all I had time for out of my blog title was the "work" and "eat" (and "eat" is meant in more of a functional than enjoyable way) part.
Here's what I learned: you can't always have it all, all at the same time.
Turns out Balance is not a perfectionist like I pretend to be. Not even close! Even though it says right at the top of this blog that I try to do all four things at the same time--sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Time is limited and sometimes it feels like we don't have a choice about how we get to spend the time we do have--a rather unpleasant piece of grown up reality.
But here's what else I learned: it's ok if we can't Live, Work, Eat & Play all at the same time, all the time as long as it doesn't go on for too long.
I got through this TMHM knowing two things: 1.) some really wonderful things were going to come out of it and 2.) the patch was limited in time. My first trimester would be over; my project had an end date; and the wedding would come and go. Knowing that there was light at the end of the tunnel and that I would, in fact, get to see that light was a motivator. It allowed me to let go of my need/want to have things balanced and just hunker down and get through the end of each day. I always forget how powerful and liberating letting go can be--even when faced with letting go of something you value so highly.
Happily, I'm now spending time recalibrating the balance scales once again--reacquainting myself with my want/need to have things balanced. I'm trying to appreciate and savor that feeling of having the concept of balance seem like a concrete possibility--even if I now know better than ever that it's likely for a limited duration. Being a kid in the "I can chose what I do with my time" candy store is truly invigorating.
Today I've already done two things I've been saying I want to do for a long time now: going for a swim and blogging. Tomorrow, back to meditation class. Moving on to yoga after that. Riding the glorious wave while I have it.
Happy New Year! Wishing you as many pockets of "having it all, all at the same time" as possible in 2011.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
11-20 of the Top 20 Things I Learned on Vacation
Here's the remainder of the things I learned on my August vacation. Hope everyone got to take vacation this year. It is soooooo important to overall life and career happiness. And the holidays are just around the corner.
11.) Thanks to many forwarded emails and Facebook & Twitter updates, moderate drinking can prolong your life according to recent studies. As a health coach, I'm not sure this is the best info to have circulating. As someone who enjoys wine, a cold corona with lime on a hot summer day and the occasional margarita (ok-maybe not so occasional), I say "Rock on!"
12.) It doesn't matter how old I am, I still miss my parents when I'm away.
13.) When you get lazy and forget to put sunblock on (or get cocky when you think you already have a base tan going) and then you fall asleep on the beach, you WILL get sunburnt. Aloe does really help though.
14.) One of the best feelings in the world is falling asleep on the beach in the arms of your special someone-even if you end up getting sunburnt.
15.) The difference between relaxation and boredom is that when you're relaxed you're grateful for and enjoy the fact that you don't have anything to do--when you're bored, you feel the compulsion for and loss of something to do.
16.) Even when things don't go your way or as you planned, there really is always something to learn from or be grateful for. (Although, swallowing your own pill can be somewhat painful.)
17.) Resistance, in it's many prolific forms, is fertile.
18.) Laughter is one of the best abdominal workouts on the market--and, it's free.
19.) Bargain shopping can be fun and is actually an art form.
20.) When you get stung by a bee, honey is one of the best cures (apparently motorcyclists keep honey on their bikes with them at all times). And, bees can swim. Who knew?
11.) Thanks to many forwarded emails and Facebook & Twitter updates, moderate drinking can prolong your life according to recent studies. As a health coach, I'm not sure this is the best info to have circulating. As someone who enjoys wine, a cold corona with lime on a hot summer day and the occasional margarita (ok-maybe not so occasional), I say "Rock on!"
12.) It doesn't matter how old I am, I still miss my parents when I'm away.
13.) When you get lazy and forget to put sunblock on (or get cocky when you think you already have a base tan going) and then you fall asleep on the beach, you WILL get sunburnt. Aloe does really help though.
14.) One of the best feelings in the world is falling asleep on the beach in the arms of your special someone-even if you end up getting sunburnt.
15.) The difference between relaxation and boredom is that when you're relaxed you're grateful for and enjoy the fact that you don't have anything to do--when you're bored, you feel the compulsion for and loss of something to do.
16.) Even when things don't go your way or as you planned, there really is always something to learn from or be grateful for. (Although, swallowing your own pill can be somewhat painful.)
17.) Resistance, in it's many prolific forms, is fertile.
18.) Laughter is one of the best abdominal workouts on the market--and, it's free.
19.) Bargain shopping can be fun and is actually an art form.
20.) When you get stung by a bee, honey is one of the best cures (apparently motorcyclists keep honey on their bikes with them at all times). And, bees can swim. Who knew?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
It's been awhile since my last blog post but sometimes when you live, work, eat, play (especially the "work") part, you can't always find time for blogging. Over the course of two posts, I'm sharing the Top 20 Things I Learned on Vacation. Here's the first ten.
1.) Doing a few minutes of work each day of vacation is better than doing a full day of work each day.
2.) Pizza on the grill is actually quite tasty (albeit a lot of work if you're feeding a bunch of people and need to make multiple pizzas). A true exercise in logistics and coordination.
3.) No matter how many times you tell people how long you will be away for and when you'll be back, they will forget and still ask you multiple times.
4.) If you haven't been running in awhile (or run more than 3 miles the last few times you have been running) and you go out on a 5 mile run, you will be exceedingly sore the next day and get reacquainted with muscles you didn't remember you had.
5.) Reading nutrition books on vacation can help keep you focused on eating healthfully.
6.) It takes more than reading books on nutrition to help keep you focused on eating healthfully while on vacation. You still need some good old fashioned discipline. They should really bottle that stuff in travel sized containers.
7.) It's ok to take a short break from otherwise healthy eating habits as long as it's not a permanent break-which can be the dangers of a two week vacation.
8.) Two and a half year olds are actually smarter than 38year olds-even ones with fancy schmancy psych degrees and certifications in behavioral motivation. And--it doesn't really matter anyway because they're so bleeping cute, they will win either way.
9.) In addition to regular paprika, there is a souped up version of it called smoked paprika that makes a kick ass rub for shrimp and sausage skewers (thanks Epi app).
10.) Even though the Expendables was a highly entertaining movie with amazing fight sequences (albeit slightly unrealistic that none of them sustained major injuries while taking on entire armies with full ammunition), it provides a painful reminder that there is a shocking lack of female "bad ass" roles out there. Is there not even one women in Hollywood who's Expendable worthy? As a woman, a martial artist and an HR professional, I find this a glaring oversight-particularly in 2010.
Stay tuned for the second ten next post. In the meantime, have fun as you live, work, eat, play.
1.) Doing a few minutes of work each day of vacation is better than doing a full day of work each day.
2.) Pizza on the grill is actually quite tasty (albeit a lot of work if you're feeding a bunch of people and need to make multiple pizzas). A true exercise in logistics and coordination.
3.) No matter how many times you tell people how long you will be away for and when you'll be back, they will forget and still ask you multiple times.
4.) If you haven't been running in awhile (or run more than 3 miles the last few times you have been running) and you go out on a 5 mile run, you will be exceedingly sore the next day and get reacquainted with muscles you didn't remember you had.
5.) Reading nutrition books on vacation can help keep you focused on eating healthfully.
6.) It takes more than reading books on nutrition to help keep you focused on eating healthfully while on vacation. You still need some good old fashioned discipline. They should really bottle that stuff in travel sized containers.
7.) It's ok to take a short break from otherwise healthy eating habits as long as it's not a permanent break-which can be the dangers of a two week vacation.
8.) Two and a half year olds are actually smarter than 38year olds-even ones with fancy schmancy psych degrees and certifications in behavioral motivation. And--it doesn't really matter anyway because they're so bleeping cute, they will win either way.
9.) In addition to regular paprika, there is a souped up version of it called smoked paprika that makes a kick ass rub for shrimp and sausage skewers (thanks Epi app).
10.) Even though the Expendables was a highly entertaining movie with amazing fight sequences (albeit slightly unrealistic that none of them sustained major injuries while taking on entire armies with full ammunition), it provides a painful reminder that there is a shocking lack of female "bad ass" roles out there. Is there not even one women in Hollywood who's Expendable worthy? As a woman, a martial artist and an HR professional, I find this a glaring oversight-particularly in 2010.
Stay tuned for the second ten next post. In the meantime, have fun as you live, work, eat, play.
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